I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
