you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
