Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
