you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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