i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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