he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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