Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
