My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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