Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
