24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
