hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
