3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
