Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
