drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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