Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
