god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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