got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize