I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
