i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
