I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
