I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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