I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
