I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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