I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
