so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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