you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
