i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
