I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
did i just pee glitter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize