Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
