I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
