and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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