that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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