best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
