My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
