Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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