hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
