I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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