I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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