i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
