watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
