Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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