If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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