Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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