Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
