I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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