well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
