I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
