dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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