He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
