just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The cops high fived after they tackled you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize