im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
