Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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