Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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