How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
