My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
