I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
