Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize