I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
