You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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