i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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