i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
