that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
