So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize