Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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