somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
