Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
