I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
