worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
