I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
