yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
