I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
