God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
