can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
