capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
