Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
