I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
should my penis look like a turkey
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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