I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
then he tried to convert me to islam
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
