this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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