I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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