I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
