this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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