God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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