put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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