Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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