So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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