I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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