Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
