i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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