My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A+ Viking dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
