the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize