i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
