are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
