she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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