DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
