I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
