shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize