I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my poor anus
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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