I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i think my cat just said my name.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
