it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
