when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A bitchslap is in order.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
