U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
